Exxon Mobil’s $45.2 Billion in Profit

Suck it, America!

Ever get the feeling you’ve been had?

Not content to rest on its laurels, Exxon Mobil beat its 2007 record high profit for a U.S. company.  XOM posted a new U.S. record $45.22 billion in profit for 2008 on what apparently was just a shitload of revenue.

“And we would also like to thank you, America.  Because without you, the little people, our dreams could never have become reality.  Again.”

Image: Reuters

VW Unpimped the Hedge Fund Ride with a 2-day Gain of 348%

Unpimp My Ride

Like, fo’ realz, yo, I ain’t even lying.  VW short sellers got straight up jacked by Porsche!

Some hedge funds that shorted VW’s stock using borrowed shares found themselves holding the dookie end the stick when it came time (unexpectedly) to buy back the borrowed shares they had sold short.  The plan that they would sell the borrowed shares, wait for the price to fall, then buy them back and repay the lenders almost worked.  Only snag was Porsche’s surprise announcement on Sunday that it had already bought a shit load of VW stock and call options that would give it something close to a 75% equity stake.

That made traders thing that the supply of VW shares had grown scarcer than a Saharan thunderstorm and sent them off in a panick to buy up what was left.  Long story short, the made rush by the short sellers to buy shares back drove the price up so high that at one point, VW was had a market value of over $345 billion!  That was only second to Exxon Mobil, the world’s largest publicly traded company.

Here’s a screen shot of today’s action in VW’s ADRs (OTC:VLKAY):

VW